Stupid Triggers

I hate them! Had a pretty bad one yesterday- it was at a celebration and in a conversation with friends but it was awful. It hit me pretty hard and I had to hide in the bathroom for a bit because the tears just couldn’t be held back.

I hate that they can hit anytime and catch me completely unprepared and how deeply they still affect me. How unsafe they can make me feel!

It’s sucks- I ended up texting the friend who I was talking to when the trigger happened.  She apologized but I told her there was no way she could have know – it was one of those “isn’t it such a small world? ” conversations.  I asked some questions to clarify that the person mentioned wasn’t the ow and it’s not!  I feel better but I hate the yucky, sick to my stomach feeling it causes!

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13 thoughts on “Stupid Triggers”

    1. That’s so true – that disorienting awareness that someone else knows something you didn’t know about your spouse. I think what was just as difficult was knowing that he’d shared information about ME …I’m pretty sure I yelled that MY life was none of their f’ing business and he had NO right to tell them ANYTHING about me. Probably were a lot more expletives when I yelled, though.

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      1. I know! I can’t believe how much he hid her from me but completely exposed my children and I to her. He would delete her stupid messages from his phone even though it was glued to him but had no problem bringing her to our home and bed!

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      2. He actually brought her to your home? And to your bed?

        For the life of me, I especially cannot fathom how NOTHING is sacred to these people. As if cheating isn’t already bad enough? As if their duplicity isn’t already disrespectful and cruel enough? To being an AP into the home and marital bed is a level of WTF-ness that I truly and utterly cannot grasp.

        I know my H talked about leaving us to live with OW. I asked him if he’d planned to introduce our kids, and he said no, never. …so he was gonna live with her, and not have his children visit? What kind of monster was he?

        As bad as that is, he “only” talked and texted with them from our home, including while in our bed. And that feels horrible enough. My gosh.

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      3. Yes- twice! The second time the kids and I were conveniently away because we were with my family because my dad was in the hospital ICU. His actions are deplorable. He is trying very hard to make it up and he’s done a lot for me and our children as well as my parents but It still disgusts me that he could ever be so thoughtless!

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  1. @kaye I HATE THEM TOO. They hit you like a slap on your back…never expecting it nor ready for it. but it goes right to your gut. I too am fighting back tears from triggers that come out of no where and I have to gold on hard not to let them overcome me. I hang in there as much as I can…and then slowly…get back up and continue one with my life. Simply sucks.

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    1. It can be so hard to get over them and resume back with life. I feel like just when I’m starting to feel okay fir a nice stretch some awful trigger comes up to layer the anger and hurt on again! I try to remind myself that things could be worse. I have a friend that lost her daughter 7 years ago- she would be a senior in high school this year, and it’s hitting my friend hard- all the graduations, proms, and college planning that others are doing just remind her of a loss that can never be filled again. I would rather have this grief than hers but it’s still so painful.

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  2. Triggers can still knock me for six even after more than 3 years. I think that triggers will always happen and the only thing that gets better with time is how quickly we are able to recover from them. In the early days a big trigger would drag me into ”the pit” for days. These days it is only a few minutes, or hours at worst. But I too dread that all too familiar sick feeling they induce. Sending much love. X

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    1. I agree that they will always happen but it’s the ones that you’re not anticipating that really get me. I hate that a simple conversation with a friend can cause it. My friend is aware of the affair but doesn’t know all the details and she brought up someone she met recently who works with my husband. This person has the same position at his job that the ow held and is the same ethnicity. It just hit too close and made me feel sick and reminded me of what a scumbag he was! It’s been a few days and I’m still trying to get out from under all the hurt and anger it brought up! It’s so tiring!

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  3. I’m at just over two years out, and mostly doing okayish, so having a trigger knock me down for even a little bit is really hard. And that initial surreal feeling that happens right after a trigger and right before I can start talking myself down by identifying it for what it is, is so disorienting. And then the lingering sadness..oh. Yes, they’re just awful.

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  4. “As bad as that is, he “only” talked and texted with them from our home, including while in our bed. And that feels horrible enough.”

    I think that is one of the reasons OH wanted us to buy a new bed for our new house. The old one is tainted with all the texts he sent her from it. Especially the ones I discovered on DDay. I think he wants an “untainted” bed nearly as much as I do.

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